In both the young and old, loneliness is subjective, and stems from the gap between what we hope for and what we get when it comes to our personal relationships. For young women, feelings of loneliness are no doubt exacerbated by the disconnect between the societal expectations heaped on us when it comes to dating, life and families, and the reality that many of us are living. Patriarchal societies not only disfranchise single people, but people are also penalized for not fitting into cultural gender norms.
Young women`s experiences of loneliness
Amanda Gushman, Spain: as someone who was single until the age of 45 and lived in New York, I can relate. It’s not unusual to be lonely when you are younger, especially when you don’t fit into the mold of getting married and having children. I didn’t do either of those, and experienced intense loneliness. often strolled the streets in the evening hoping to make eye contact with someone or find a place where I could be single and comfortable. It was hard and mostly didn’t happen. But perseverance paid off and I turned my focus on to making my own life better.
It took years, and therapy was a huge part of my it, but eventually I found my worth. An important factor was immersing myself in my career. Fighting the demons of loneliness is a journey and I still have bouts of it even now. I have been happily married for more than 23 years and am now retired, but I believe it’s part of the human condition and not something there is an “answer” to. Women who chose not be mothers are especially vulnerable as this is a large part of most women’s lives and identity.
Emma Roy-Williams, Manchester: The analogy of loneliness being like a backpack you take with you everywhere struck a chord. I see my loneliness as a source of shame and would prefer no attention brought to it at all. Unfortunately, shame can get in the way of forming meaningful connections, which is an important factor, the writer says, in reducing loneliness.
Why am I so lonely? And what behavior have I engaged in to find myself in such a situation? Probably nothing too optimistic, which is also something the writer says is essential in reducing loneliness, and I can understand why it might make potential friends/partners cautious. The tragedy of loneliness is that it doesn’t make you feel optimistic, so breaking free of the feelings and behavior that perpetuate it are hard and you can end up in a horrible lonely loop.
I hope this is not too dire a message because I have gained a little more self-awareness over the years to modify my behavior, and understanding that other people have the same feelings helps relieve the sense of alienation that loneliness can bring.
Louise Golden, the founder of Together project, goes to war against loneliness
Lucy Jones’s article on the loneliness of new motherhood is a brilliantly honest depiction of the challenges that so many of us experience post-birth . I found the transition from a busy, energetic career to sitting on the sofa at 3pm, still in my PJs, covered in baby sick, to be a profound shock. The research citing professional women as a high-risk group for perinatal loneliness proves I’m far from alone.
It was this sense of isolation that led me to set up The Together Project. As a relative of older adults in care homes, I understood the loneliness that they too experienced. I saw there was a win-win opportunity to bring the two groups together. What began as an informal get-together with the residents of my local care home, fellow parents and their babies, has now grown into a national charity with the aim of reducing loneliness and spreading joy.
Guardian