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Britain

Carol Vorderman hits out at Shaun Bailey’s ‘sexist’ comments about her

by Narges Mohammadi January 8, 2024

Carol Vorderman has hit out at the former Conservative mayoral candidate Shaun Bailey over his “sexist” comments about her Instagram posts.

Bailey said on GB News last week that Vorderman could not be a “serious political commentator” as well as post photos of herself at the gym.

“Look, on one hand she’s got all that stuff, you know, she’s a serious political commentator, and then if you look at her Instagram it’s all pictures of her bum and her boobs. So what is it here? She can’t be both,” said Bailey.

Vorderman on Wednesday called Bailey a misogynist and pointed to his attendance at the 2020 “Jingle and Mingle” Christmas party, which she said made him a rule maker who had broken the Covid rules. “‘Can’t have it both [ways],’ he says,” Vorderman posted on X.

“So Shaun thinks that women who wear Lycra in the gym shouldn’t be allowed a political opinion … or I assume a vote!” Vorderman said. “Failed mayoral candidate #SexistShaun was made a lord last year. Yet another Tory honour for dishonour.”

Bailey, who received his peerage from Boris Johnson, was on GB News to defend Johnny Mercer, the minister of veterans’ affairs, who had lashed out at Vorderman and his Labour election rival, Fred Thomas, for sharing figures revealing a rise in homelessness among armed forces veterans.

After her response to Bailey’s comments, Vorderman received widespread support on social media. Among her supporters was the journalist Ava Evans.

Last year, GB News suspended Laurence Fox after his on-air comments about Evans.

Evans said: “It’s so easy to use your interview time to go for someone’s arguments, yet he can’t help himself but go for her body.”

Bailey lost his bid for mayor against Sadiq Khan in 2021.

He responded on Thursday to Vorderman’s posts by calling his comments “clumsy” but not apologising.

“In a recent panel discussion, I used a clumsy form of words to describe Carol Vorderman’s Instagram posts,” Bailey said. “The point I was trying to make is Carol lives in a world of glitz and celebrity, as her Instagram portrays, but simultaneously demonises and bullies those who hold different political views to her own. I strongly support free speech. I don’t support bullying.”

January 8, 2024 0 comment

Europe Society

One in three UK men open to having more than one partner, study shows

by Narges Mohammadi December 13, 2023

STUDY/A third of UK men are open to the idea of having more than one wife or long-term girlfriend, according to a new Swansea University study.

In contrast, only 11 percent of women surveyed would be open to the idea of a polygamous marriage if it were legal and consensual.

Researchers asked 393 heterosexual men and women in the UK how they felt about a committed partnership in which they shared their other half with someone else or shared themselves.

The study asked participants about a relationship resembling polygyny—where a man marries more than one woman—and polyandry—where a woman marries more than one man.

Men were first asked if they would be willing to be shared with more than one wife and were then asked if they would be willing to share a partner with another man.

The study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, showed that nine percent of men said they would share a partner, whereas just five percent of women were interested in such an arrangement.

Dr. Andrew Thomas- Swansea University

Dr. Andrew Thomas, lead author of the study, said, “Comparing polygyny and polyandry directly, men were three-and-a-half times more likely to say ‘yes’ to the former than the latter, while women were twice as likely to say ‘yes’ to having more than one partner, compared to the idea of sharing their partner with someone else.”

Polygyny and polyandry are alternative forms of marriage that involve multiple spouses, and their acceptance varies across cultures. In the United Kingdom, these practices are not legally recognized or widely embraced within the mainstream culture, as the legal framework is based on monogamy.

In contrast, certain cultures around the world historically and presently practice polygyny, where a man can have multiple wives, and polyandry, where a woman can have multiple husbands. These arrangements are often rooted in cultural, religious, or historical contexts. For example, some societies in Africa and the Middle East have long-standing traditions of polygyny, while certain communities in Tibet and Nepal have practiced polyandry.

Dr. Thomas added, “Committed non-monogamy has received a lot of attention recently. It’s a hot trend, with more and more couples talking about opening up their relationships to include other people. However, these types of relationships are far from new.”

“While most seek monogamous relationships, a small proportion of humans have engaged in multi-partner relationships throughout human history, especially polygynous marriage where one husband is shared by several co-wives.”

“This study shows that a sizable minority of people are open to such relationships, even in the UK where such marriages are prohibited. Interestingly, many more men are open to the idea than women—though there is still interest on both sides.”

Source: PHYS ORG

December 13, 2023 0 comment

Europe Health

Women ‘failed at every stage’ of maternity care with ‘many made to feel they were to blame’

by Narges Mohammadi October 11, 2023

Mumsnet found 79% of the 1,000 women who answered their questionnaire had experienced some form of birth trauma, with 53% saying it had put them off from having more children.

And according to the snapshot of UK mothers, 44% also said healthcare professionals had used language implying they were “a failure or to blame” for what happened.

Conservative MP Theo Clarke is leading calls for more action after her own experience, where she thought she was “going to die” after suffering a third degree tear and needing emergency surgery.

Now, she has set up an all party parliamentary group on birth trauma.

She said: “[It is] clear that more compassion, education and better after-care for mothers who suffer birth trauma are desperately needed if we are to see an improvement in mums’ physical wellbeing and mental health.

“It is vitally important women receive the help and support they deserve.”

Of the respondents to the survey, 72% said the issue they experienced remained unresolved a year after giving birth.

Just over three-quarters said they felt like medical professionals had become “desensitised” to birth trauma, and almost two-thirds thought staff did not do everything they could to prevent it.

A total of 64% also said they felt a “lack of compassion” from health workers during their labour.

Chief executive of the online community, Justine Roberts, said the trauma had “long-lasting effects”, adding: “It’s clear that women are being failed at every stage of the maternity care process – with too little information provided beforehand, a lack of compassion from staff during birth, and substandard postnatal care for mothers’ physical and mental health.”

Chief executive of the Birth Trauma Association, Kim Thomas, said there needed to be a “complete overhaul in the way women experience maternity”, including “honest, evidence-based antenatal education; compassionate and professional care during labour; and postnatal care that is designed to identify and treat every birth injury or mental health problem”.

She added: “A maternity system that puts women at the heart of care is not some kind of unfeasibly high goal – it is the bare minimum that women have the right to expect.”

Responding to the findings, a Department of Health and Social Care spokesperson said the government was “committed to making the NHS the safest place in the world to give birth” and improving support for women before, during and after pregnancy was a “priority” in its women’s health strategy.

They added: “We are investing an additional £165m per year to grow and support the maternity workforce and improve neonatal care. NHS England recently published a three-year plan to make maternity and neonatal care safer, more personalised, and more equitable for women, babies, and families.

“To support women following trauma related to their maternity experience, we are rolling out 33 new maternal mental health services, which will be available across England by March 2024.”

October 11, 2023 0 comment

Europe Society

29% of women ‘say state pension will be their only income in retirement’

by Narges Mohammadi October 1, 2023

UNITEDKINGDOM/Women are also less likely to say they have checked their state pension age, according to Royal London.

Women are around twice as likely as men to be expecting to rely solely on the state pension for their retirement income, research suggests.

Nearly three in 10 (29%) of women surveyed for pensions and investments mutual Royal London said the state pension will be their only source of income in retirement, compared with 13% of men.

Women are also less likely to say they have checked their state pension age, with just over half (53%) of women having checked, compared with 58% of men.

Among people planning to retire before they reach state pension age, men were more likely than women to say they will use money from investments to help fund the gap.

Women were more likely than men to say they intend to rely on money from their partner’s savings during that period.

Sarah Pennell’s, consumer finance expert at Royal London said: “The state pension is the foundation of most people’s income in retirement, but for almost one in three women, it’s their sole form of income.”

She added: “Retirement is meant to be when you have the time to do the things you’d like to do, and for many women the state pension alone won’t give them the income they’d like.

“The cost-of-living crisis is putting extra pressure on household budgets, but relying on the state pension alone could mean many years of making very tough choices about spending.”

Opinium surveyed 4,000 people across the UK in June for Royal London’s research.

October 1, 2023 0 comment

Europe Women Pioneers

Boss Lady: Hannah Lewis, American Express UK country manager

by Narges Mohammadi October 1, 2023

As country manager, Hannah Lewis has full responsibility for Amex’s 6,000 staff in the UK. As a female leader of one of the biggest financial services’ names in the UK, Lewis is also a huge advocate of giving her staff the necessary opportunities and confidence to help them reach the top.

I started my career at Boston Consulting Group and I suspect that Niamh Dawson has no idea how influential she was on my career.

She was a straight-talking, no nonsense Irish woman. She stood out as she was one of the first women I had come across who had found a way to balance work and her home life.

She was working part-time, but unlike others she wasn’t either working round the clock and not seeing her family, or being part-time but really working full-time and being paid less.

She was prepared to draw some clear boundaries, prepared to be who she was. She was influential with clients but she was also confident and prepared to say there were other things she needed to do as she was dividing her time. This was 20 years ago and at the time the was quite unusual in the industry.

Her authenticity and willingness to be upfront and direct really made a difference.

Translating this into Amex when I joined in 2008, my first impactful leader was Sujata Bhatia, who is now COO at Monzo.

I worked with her for five years but she was the first person to take a bet on me as she really believed I could progress in the organisation. She spent a lot of time coaching and mentoring me, and was the first to promote me through the first two or three levels of my career at Amex.

Like Niamh, she didn’t feel that she had to conform to the perceptions of senior female leaders.

I then worked with Charlotte Duerden, who was my predecessor and is now chief customer officer of International Cards at American Express. She gave me the confidence that it was possible to do things my own way, she made me believe.

She helped me build on what Sujata had done with me; showing me that it was okay to be ambitious and want to be country manager, but that I had to own that aspiration and ambition.

I am a straight-talking northerner, I studied engineering but when I graduated in the early 2000s, I never expected to get to a senior role.

More than anything I needed to get my own mind around to the idea that you don’t need to look like someone in a power suit to be a leader. The leaders at Amex have played a huge role in building that belief, that having authentic leaders is way more powerful than having a lot of people wearing power suits and being someone else.

I began to understand what leadership meant at Amex. It’s about getting the most out of people, and helping the staff to deliver as a collective. To do this we need to set a clear vision for the team and then empower them to do it in their own way.

When I joined Amex 15 years ago, I didn’t know I would end up where I am now. A lot of my colleagues feel the same. It’s an organisation with lots of different opportunities within the business. I’ve worked in the commercial, merchant, consumer businesses and had roles across marketing, business development and lending.

Now it’s important that those of us who have been fortunate to achieve these positions help other people and achieve their aspirations — and this is not just about women either.

20 years ago being ambitious may have been viewed with negative connotations, particularly for some women. But today you need to be willing to put yourself out there, say what you want to achieve and evolve the skill sets to meet those goals.

What I love about payments is that everyone needs it, but no one wants to spend that much time thinking about it. As a consumer you just want to know it works and enjoy the rewards and benefits which come from it.

Over the last 15 years we’ve gone from cheques being commonplace to paying with your mobile phone, the potential for innovation is what makes it so exciting.

October 1, 2023 0 comment

Europe Health

Nearly one in three female NHS surgeons have been sexually assaulted, survey suggests

by Narges Mohammadi September 29, 2023

Survey represents ‘#MeToo moment for surgery’, says head of Women in Surgery forum

UNITEDKINGDOM/Almost one in three female surgeons working in the NHS have been sexually assaulted in the past five years, according to a survey described as a “#MeToo movement for surgery”.

Surgeons who took part in the study, published in the British Journal of Surgery and shared with the BBC and the Times, reported 11 instances of rape.

The survey found the 30% of female surgeons who responded said they had been sexually assaulted, 29% of women had experienced unwanted physical advances at work, more than 40% had received uninvited comments about their body and 38% receiving sexual “banter” at work.

Almost 90% of women said they had witnessed sexual misconduct in the past five years, with 81% of men giving the same answer.

The report concludes: “Sexual misconduct occurs frequently and appears to go unchecked in the surgical environment owing to a combination of a deeply hierarchical structure and a gender and power imbalance. The result is an unsafe working environment and an unsafe space for patients.”

Compiled by the University of Exeter from 1,436 responses to an anonymous online survey, the study was commissioned by the working party on sexual misconduct in surgery – a group of NHS surgeons, clinicians and researchers who say they are “working to raise awareness of sexual misconduct in surgery, to bring about cultural and organisational change”.

While acknowledging that the “exact prevalence of sexual misconduct in the surgical workforce cannot be determined from these data”, the authors stated that the study “provides a unique combination of statistically supported insights”.

“Robust evidence illustrating similar results across weighted and unweighted analyses strengthens [the] validity of the demonstrated difference in women’s and men’s realities with sexual misconduct among colleagues,” they wrote.

A Guardian/British Medical Journal investigation in May found more than 35,600 “sexual safety incidents” had been recorded in NHS hospitals in England over the past five years. That prompted the General Medical Council to call on doctors to show “zero tolerance” of sexual harassment.

Tamzin Cuming, a consultant surgeon who chairs the Women in Surgery forum at the Royal College of Surgeons of England, said the report presented “some of the most appalling facts ever to come out” about the field and “represents a #MeToo moment for surgery”.

Writing in the Times, she said: “Our research reveals an environment where sexual assault, harassment and rape can occur among staff working in surgery but allows it to be ignored because the system protects those carrying it out rather than those affected.

“We need urgent change in the oversight of how healthcare investigates itself.”

She called for the creation of a national implementation panel to oversee action on the report’s recommendations and for incidents of sexual misconduct to be independently investigated.

She said: “No one should need to call for a code of conduct that says, in essence, ‘please do not molest your work colleagues or students’, and yet this is one of the actions our report recommends.

“The report is measured, its recommendations achievable, but this shouldn’t disguise the anger and frustration felt by many in our profession.”

The results have been presented to NHS England, the General Medical Council and the British Medical Association.

The BBC spoke to a surgeon who was sexually assaulted early in her career by a senior surgeon who pushed his face into her breasts in the middle of a procedure under the pretense of mopping sweat from his brow.

When he did it for a second time, she offered to get him a towel, and he replied “no, this is much more fun”.

The BBC was told the most common scenario was a junior female trainee abused by a senior male perpetrator, who was often their supervisor.

Dr Binta Sultan, from NHS England, told the BBC the report made “incredibly difficult reading” and action was needed to make hospitals safe for all.

She said: “We are already taking significant steps to do this, including through commitments to provide more support and clear reporting mechanisms to those who have suffered harassment or inappropriate behaviour.”

Tim Mitchell, the president of the Royal College of Surgeons of England, said such behaviour had “no place … anywhere in the NHS”.

Describing it as “abhorrent”, he added: “We will not tolerate such behavior in our ranks.”

September 29, 2023 0 comment

Asia Community

Annual Massacre of Women in England & the United States©

by Narges Mohammadi September 4, 2023

The Secretary of Human Rights Headquarters of the Islamic Republic of Iran said: During the unrest, the intelligence services of 20 foreign countries were involved in fomenting the unrest. Terrorists also entered the scene and nearly 100 people affiliated with terrorist groups, mainly from the hypocrites, were arrested.

Kazem Gharib Abadi, Vice President of International Affairs of the Judiciary and Secretary of the Human Rights Staff of the Islamic Republic of Iran, today Wednesday (July 14) at the 53rd session of the Human Rights Council, saying that we must be the voice of those whose voices are not heard by the international human rights mechanisms. He mentioned the recent days in France and said: These days, France is witnessing the use of extreme force against peaceful protesters, especially women, extensive arbitrary arrests, and extensive restrictions on the Internet and social networks.

The French police resort to the police of the child-killing Zionist regime of Israel to suppress the protests

Parents of teenagers have been threatened with two years of imprisonment or fined 30,000 euros if their children attend rallies! This is even though this country has not faced foreign interference, nor has the media provoked people to appear in the streets, The people do not have weapons in their hands, and they are not looking for a coup. However, the French police even resorted to the policy of apartheid and child-killing Zionist regime of Israel to suppress the protests.

Emphasizing that an emergency meeting of the Human Rights Council was to be held today to review the situation in France, Gharib Abadi expressed his regret for the double and hypocritical behavior that has prevailed over the human rights mechanisms and the human rights claimants have deliberately remained silent.

Some examples of violations of women’s rights in Western countries and so-called human rights claimants

The Secretary of the Human Rights Staff of the Islamic Republic of Iran, recalling the dual behavior of Western countries in the face of human rights, noted: Let’s not forget that in November, several Western countries called an emergency meeting of the Council on the pretext of violating the rights of women and children during last fall’s riots in Iran. formed and created the so-called truth-seeking committee!

By raising the question of whether these countries care about women and children, he pointed to some examples of violations of women’s rights in Western countries and so-called human rights claimants and said: “In Germany, on average, one woman is killed every day.” Every hour, 15 women are subject to domestic or sexual violence, and one out of every three women experiences physical or sexual violence from the age of 15. The gender wage gap in Germany is 18 percent, and women make up the majority of people who experience poverty in old age.

The Deputy of International Affairs of the Judiciary reminded: In America, 1800 women are murdered every year, every 98 seconds a woman is sexually assaulted, and every 8 minutes one of the victims is a child. One-third of the imprisoned women in the world, that is, more than 200 thousand people, are in America. More than 70% of women have been subjected to physical or sexual violence. Women’s rights in similar conditions are 77% of men’s, which is about 64% for Africans.

He also mentioned the situation in England and said: In England, more than 130 women are murdered every year. 35 thousand women are raped every year. 433 thousand women face sexual violence every year. 1.6 million acts of violence are committed against girls and women every year. In 2022, more than 5,583 women are alive due to debt housing problems, and the high cost of living.

Gharib Abadi added: In France, more than 110 women are murdered every year. More than 200,000 cases of domestic violence are recorded every year, and 87% of the victims are women. One out of every three women is subjected to violence and one out of every five women is a victim of sexual harassment at work.

Applying illegal sanctions against the people of Iran is a crime against humanity

The Vice President of International Affairs of the Judiciary, reviewing the crimes of these countries against the Iranian people, stated: Add this situation to the crimes of these countries against the people, including Iranian women and children, which through the help of 85 German companies, 19 French companies, 18 companies English and 18 American companies, in addition to companies from the Netherlands and…, equipped Saddam’s regime with chemical weapons of mass destruction, which led to the martyrdom of 13 thousand and the poisoning of more than 100 thousand innocent Iranians.

He called the actions or implementation of illegal and cruel unilateral sanctions by these countries against the people of Iran, which have caused pain and suffering to women and children, a crime against humanity.

Has the Human Rights Council been able to address the plight of women and children in countries claiming human rights?

Gharib Abadi addressed the audience at this meeting and the non-governmental organizations by raising the question, of do these countries have the authority to talk about the rights of women and children in Iran, who are victims of the crimes of these countries and claim human rights. He questioned the performance of the Human Rights Council and stated: Has the Human Rights Council ever been able to address the plight of women and children in these countries?!

During the year, many gatherings are held in Iran, even without permission, and they have the support of law enforcement officers, but the situation that Iran faced in the fall of last year was not simple and peaceful gatherings.

The Secretary of Human Rights Headquarters of the Islamic Republic of Iran noted: During the riots, the intelligence services of 20 foreign countries were involved in fomenting the riots. Terrorists also entered the scene and nearly 100 people affiliated with terrorist groups, mainly from the hypocrites, were arrested.

Stating that more than 8,300 war and rebel weapons were discovered during the riots, he continued: Terrorists martyred more than 20 people and law enforcement forces in just three days in November. During the three months of unrest, more than 75 law enforcement officers and people were martyred by the rioters, and more than 7 thousand law enforcement officers were also injured. Also, more than 2,100 places and public and private property and equipment worth 20 thousand billion Rials were destroyed by rioters.

The comprehensive design of disturbances was done in the thinking room of Western countries

Referring to the behind-the-scenes aspects of last year’s unrest in Iran, this official of the judiciary said: The comprehensive planning of the disturbances was carried out in the think tanks of Western countries and was implemented with the financial, weaponry, and media support of the Western security services.

He stated that the intervention of foreigners, the incitement of anti-Iranian media, and the entry of terrorists and weapons of war into the gatherings, turned the scene into full-scale riots, and reminded: In line with the killing project, some other innocent people also lost their lives.

During the riots, Instagram taught how to make smoke bombs and Molotov cocktails and advertised for the sale of various firearms.

Referring to the enemy’s use of virtual space platforms and social networks to intensify unrest, Gharib Abadi said: During the unrest, Instagram taught how to make smoke bombs and Molotov cocktails and advertised for the sale of various types of firearms and gave its capacity to terrorist groups. and violent.

The secretary of our country’s human rights headquarters reminded that this platform refused to remove 3 million posts related to the sale of military weapons, based on Iran’s official request, and said: This action was taken while Instagram has already removed millions of posts under the pretext of promoting violence. The page and post containing the name or image of martyr Hajj Qassem Soleimani, who was assassinated by the American regime, has been closed.

He also explained the function of the Twitter social network and continued: Twitter created more than 50,000 new Farsi-speaking users with fake identities in the first month of the unrest to work against Iran.

Gharib Abadi stated: On the other hand, anti-Iranian Farsi-language TV channels based in London, such as Iran International, BBC Farsi, and Manoto, while giving their capacities to known terrorists for interviews, also promoted a large part of their programs. Violence and crime, teaching destruction of property and public and private places closing streets, teaching assaulting and beating the police, and teaching insults and threats.

Criticizing the silence of human rights claimants regarding the terrorist incident in the holy shrine of Shahcheragh (AS)

He criticized the silence of the claimants of human rights regarding the terrorist incident in the holy shrine of Shahcheragh (PBUH) and stated that: while the international human rights mechanisms and some countries and the media affiliated with them supported the rioters, all of them against the terrorist incident. On November 4, 1401, in a religious place in the city of Shiraz, which resulted in the martyrdom of 15 people, including several women and children, and the injury of more than 30 people, they deliberately kept silent.

At the same time, this high judicial official stated that despite the high level of violence by rioters, people’s access to the Internet was never blocked and all internal and external messengers (except Instagram and WhatsApp) were available to the public without any restrictions.

Gharib Abadi stated that the policy of the Islamic Republic of Iran in dealing with riots is the minimal use of the legal powers of the law enforcement forces, even against the rioters, and said that because of this, he suffered the most damage and loss.

He mentioned the amnesty of the Supreme Leader in February of last year and emphasized: Nevertheless, following the amnesty of the Supreme Leader of the Islamic Revolution on February 4, 1401, following the proposal of the head of the judiciary, almost all the accused and convicted, including those who were detained or those who were free under various orders, except for a handful of those who committed violent crimes, were pardoned.

The establishment of the fact-finding committee mechanism, despite the responsibility of the Islamic Republic of Iran, is a political and, of course, pointless action

The Secretary of the Human Rights Headquarters of the Islamic Republic of Iran reminded: Also, to identify and deal with all material and life injuries to citizens and law enforcement forces, to receive and investigate the complaints of the victims and the injured, and to investigate the claims made about the violation of the rights of individuals in the aforementioned incidents, an independent committee and a profession were formed by the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

In the final part of his statement, he stated that the protection and promotion of human rights is the exclusive responsibility of governments, and he considered the creation of the fact-finding committee mechanism to be a political and, of course, pointless action despite the responsibility of the Islamic Republic of Iran.

The same countries that were the originators of disturbances in Iran were the founders of such a mechanism

Gharib Abadi reminded me: The same countries that were the originators of disturbances in Iran and course were caught in similar situations subsequently, have been the founders of such a mechanism!

The Deputy of International Affairs of the Judiciary stressed that the conspiracies designed against Iran have failed due to the widespread popular support of the system the quick control of the situation the calming of the atmosphere and the disappointment of the countries that tried to hastily tense the international atmosphere against Iran. He expressed hope that these countries will be led to be realistic and correct their wrong policies and procedures.

September 4, 2023 0 comment

Conference and Meetings Europe

‘We have brothers, sons, husbands – but they can’t live here!’ The happy home shared by 26 women

by Narges Mohammadi August 9, 2023

UNITEDKINGDOM/With residents aged from 58 to 94, New Ground is the UK’s first cohousing community exclusively for older women. Setting it up was an 18-year battle – but with soaring numbers of people living alone, is this an idea whose time has come?

Chipping Barnet, a leafy suburb of north London, is an unlikely location for a feminist utopia. Yet it is here, at the top of the high street, past the Susi Earnshaw theatre school and the Joie de Vie patisserie, that you will find Britain’s first cohousing community exclusively for women over 50. The purpose-built development is entirely managed by the women who set it up as an alternative to living alone.

New Ground’s entrance, all glass and bold typography, could easily be mistaken for a co-working space, as could the common room I am ushered into. Everything is bright, airy and spotlessly clean. The walls are lined with sleek white bookcases and a cinema-grade TV screen. The only clue as to the residents’ demographic is an unfinished 1,000-piece jigsaw on a table overlooking the large garden.

I am greeted warmly by the smell of good coffee and a circle of elegantly dressed women. “We range in age from 58 to 94,” says Jude Tisdall, 71, an arts consultant. Like most of the residents, she has lived here since the site’s completion in 2016. “Many of us still work, others volunteer and are active in the community. Someone might come in here and think OK, we are all of an age, but you can’t define us as old.” And it is true that no one here bears any resemblance to the stereotypes of senior citizens, least of all Tisdall, who mentions that she was photographed for a Vogue “rule breakers” issue as “the cohousing pioneer”.

At New Ground there are 25 flats with 26 residents (there is one married couple), eight of which are social rental units. Homes overlook a garden blooming with wildflowers, berries and an orchard. The common meeting room is used for weekly dinners, film nights (where Bill Nighy movies are popular) and yoga classes (“not chair yoga either, proper yoga”). There is also a guest suite for overnight visitors.

The mention of visitors prompts me to ask the burning question. Are men allowed in? “Of course! Everyone asks that,” says Tisdall. “We have brothers, fathers, sons, grandsons, lovers and everything in between. The only thing is they can’t come and live here.”

So, if one of them married a male partner, they would have to move out? “Not necessarily,” laughs Tisdall, who is divorced. “It would be a great excuse to say: ‘I’m sorry, darling. I can’t live with you but we can have great weekends together!”

For the uninitiated, cohousing is nothing like living in a commune. Instead, people occupy individual homes that they can own or rent with additional shared space for socialising, taking classes and gardening. That this is an idea whose time has come, particularly for older people, is indisputable. In 2021, 3.64 million people aged over 65 were living alone in the UK, 70% of whom were women. In 10 years’ time, over-65s will have risen from 19% to an estimated 22% of the population, according to the latest report by the Centre for Ageing Better.

More sobering still, the number of years we can expect to spend without a disabling illness continues to decline – it is now 62.4 years for men and 60.9 years for women. Despite these statistics, cohousing in Britain is still in its infancy. Nearly 20 years after the UK’s first new-build scheme, Springhill, an intergenerational development, opened in Stroud, there are still only 302 homes in 12 new-build communities up and running.

We go on a tour of the site with another resident, Hilary Vernon-Smith, 72. With her lemon-yellow trainers and geometric haircut, she looks every inch the working artist and, in fact, her flat doubles as a studio. Before retirement, she was the head scenic artist at the National Theatre for 28 years. Gesturing towards the central oval lawn, she explains how the women worked closely with the site’s architects. “Research indicates that the dementia-affected brain responds more positively to curves and gets confused by dead-ends, so that was taken into consideration.”

The laid-back vibe means you could be forgiven for underestimating the power of this group. But turning the vision of New Ground into a reality took 18 years of intensive development, education, networking and many, many meetings. Maria Brenton is UK Cohousing Network’s senior ambassador and was instrumental in facilitating New Ground in 1998. “The women who started this were adamant that they didn’t want to sit in a day-room singing Daisy Daisy and Pack Up Your Troubles for the rest of their lives,” she says. “We were fiercely opposed to the ageism and paternalism, the infantilisation of older people by social care services.”

“For me, living in cohousing makes sense but it certainly isn’t for everyone,” she says. “Making decisions together can be quite hard. However, we gave up a house to live in a two-bedroom flat and it really doesn’t feel like we’ve sacrificed anything.”

Mellis Haward, director of Archio Architects, has led many cohousing projects, including Angel Yard (all these sites have storybook names), a developing scheme in Norwich. “For so long we have all been slaves to the housing market and it’s really hard to create intentionally cohesive communities within that. People who are attracted to cohousing usually want purposeful closeness to their neighbors as a big part of their lives. It’s not just about alleviating loneliness – it allows people to become part of an ecosystem of families and individuals.”

Haward believes there needs to be a shift in approach to enable more cohousing to happen quickly because there is interest out there but demand isn’t being met. She suggests that a potential ray of hope may come from an unlikely quarter – mega-developers. “A trend is emerging for developers to build cohousing as an add-on to an existing project.” Have they all suddenly woken up to the benefits of the sharing economy? Maybe not. “I strongly suspect it’s because they know they can quickly shift those homes in advance. There are a large number of people in the cohousing network looking for homes right now. It’s an easy sell. Or maybe they do care about shared values? Maybe I’m just a massive cynic.”

Source: The Guardian

August 9, 2023 0 comment

Europe Society

COMMON ISSUE; “My husband won’t lift a finger to help me. Should I stay or go?”

by Narges Mohammadi June 27, 2023

DOMESTIC/ Your husband is breaking promises and not listening to you. You’re hurt and frustrated, and desperate for things to change, but don’t act in haste or rage.

In Europe, meaning most societies that claim to be a supporter of women’s rights, women more than men have a heavy burden on their shoulders and no so-called feminist group is doing anything to change and fix this situation. Apart from having to work outside the house to be able to handle heavy expenses; they also have to handle the domestic work inside the house.

The dilemma

“I am 47, have two primary-school children, and have a marriage that is in slow decline. From our initial pre-marriage ideals of a kind of Scandinavian shared approach to parenting and marriage, it became apparent that our underlying approach was that of his parents.

The expectation is that I do everything. Nothing is done in an abusive way, but there is a passive detachment that I see in him that mirrors his dad. On his side of the family, the women run around doing everything while the men watch TV and discuss the news.

I have brought this up numerous times, both in frustration and anger and in calmer, sadder moments. My husband will acknowledge this when I am calmer and will try to be more of an equal partner, but after a short time, everything falls back to how it has been.

I often think about being single. The fact that I am not interested in being with another man, but sometimes I find myself wondering if I would have a more equal relationship with a woman. I don’t want to break up because of our children. I have talked with him about splitting up, but he only laughs. Do I stay married? Or should I get out?

Philippa’s answer

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health … and we should add another vow along the lines of having to stay together when, despite our best intentions, we end up being like our parents.

However much we might not want to, without the gentle challenge of a loved one, we will revert to mimicking our ancestors. Right now, you are furious. I don’t blame you, your husband, without realizing it, keeps reverting to type, leaving your headspace taken up with remembering to get milk and loo rolls, while he can chat about loftier ideas with other men.

You are cooking dinner and listening to children read to you at the same time, while he watches the news and when you tell him you are reaching the end of your tether and have fantasies of not having him around at all, he is not taking you seriously. Sounds very tempting from an I-told-you-so perspective to leave, I can see that. He breaks his promise about the Scandinavian model daily and this hurts you.

What to do?

It seems when you shout, he cannot hear your words but just tries to defend himself against the shouting. Very tough when you are trying to teach your children about life to have to repeat yourself to a grown man as well. But when you nudge him without shouting, he does respond – maybe you need a shorthand word, so you don’t need to go through the lengthy explanations each time. Maybe start calling him by his dad’s name?

You can have one more gentle long chat, the sort he takes notice of, and then stay a week or two away with a friend. It may bring it home to him just how much there is to think about and do that should be shared. Remind him the children have grown out of all their clothes and shoes on your way out. Watch this clip of comedian Simon Brodkin on YouTube– share it with him, too.

When you fantasize about it, divorce can appear like a lovely quick fix, but it rarely is. It can take a long time to rebuild yourself afterward. There are complications about splitting the finances, with both parties usually ending up with less. No divorce with kids is a clean split as you must continue to co-parent and the things that annoyed you when you were together continue, but with less goodwill to work through them.

Other ways?…

The children suffer and act out. If you have a new same-sex relationship, it will have its problems and rocky patches to work through.

At 47, your estrogen levels may be falling. At the beginning of my perimenopause, I felt homicidal until I got some HRT. It is as though nature didn’t realize we’d still be rearing kids in our middle age and thought we’d do well with less patience and more rage by now, but we are having children later and need our patience a bit longer, so it might be an idea to have a test to see if you are perimenopausal.

Final result …

And if you get HRT and find yourself more tolerant as a result, I do not suggest you let your husband get away with not sharing the physical and emotional labor of the home, but it may give you more patience when you remind him to think about what needs doing and not leave it all to you.

Relationships go through good and bad times; it’s why we need to take vows at the beginning of the commitment. If relationships were all plain sailing, there wouldn’t be marriage to keep us together when things get stormy. I don’t envy your position right now in the middle of your storm, but I do think it can be weathered.

Source: The Guardian

June 27, 2023 0 comment

Europe Society

NEW; More Women Now Make as Much as Their Husbands-but still work more at home

by Narges Mohammadi June 4, 2023

GENDER PAY GAP/ Few women will be surprised to learn that even when wives earn about the same as their husbands or more, a new Pew Research Center study finds that they still spend more time on housework and child care, while their husbands spend more time on paid work and leisure.

“Even as financial contributions have become more equal in marriages, the way couples divide their time between paid work and home life remains unbalanced,” Pew noted.

So who’s earning what?

Pew found that in 29% of heterosexual marriages today, women and men earn about the same (roughly $60,000 each). “Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework,” the study notes.

In 55% of opposite-sex marriages, men are the primary or sole breadwinners, earning a median of $96,000 to their wives’ $30,000.

Meanwhile, in 16% of marriages, the wives out earn their husbands as the primary (10%) or sole breadwinner (6%). In these marriages, women earn a median of $88,000 to their husbands’ $35,000.

Of all of these categories, the only one in which men are reported to spend more time caregiving than their wives is when the woman is the sole breadwinner. And the time spent per week on household chores in those marriages is split evenly between husbands and wives.

In all instances, it’s a big change from 50 years ago — when, for instance, husbands were the primary breadwinner in 85% of marriages.

Women most likely to be the biggest earner

Today, which women are most likely to be the primary or sole breadwinners can vary by age, family status, education, and race.

For instance, Pew found Black women are “significantly more likely” than other women to earn more than their husbands. For instance, 26% of Black women bring home more than their husbands, while only 17% of White women and 13% of Hispanic women do.

But Black women with a college degree or higher and few children at home are also among the most likely to earn about the same as their husbands.

These numbers are reported against a backdrop of society’s attitudes about who should earn more and how caregiving should be divvied up between spouses.

Nearly half of Americans (48%) in Pew’s survey said husbands prefer to earn more than their wives, while 13% said men would prefer their wives earn about the same as them.

What do women want? Twenty-two percent of Americans said most women want a husband who earns more, while 26% said most would want a man who earns about the same.

Meanwhile, when it comes to having a family, 77% said that children are better off when both parents focus equally on their job and on taking care of the kids. Only 19% said children are better off when their mother focuses more on home life and their father focuses more on his job.

The Pew study is based on three data sources: earnings data from the US Census’ Current Population Survey; data from the American Time Use Survey and a nationally representative survey of public attitudes among 5,152 US adults conducted in January.

Source: CNN

June 4, 2023 0 comment

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